Local Hunter Accused of Being “Non-Consumptive User”
For immediate Release: February 27, 2017
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Windsor County, VT – Recently, local license holder and hunter Tim Biebel has been accused of being a “Non-Consumptive User.” The term Non-Consumptive User has gained recognition over the last few years among those who hunt as the politically correct term for an anti-hunter. However, some claim that Biebel’s lack of success afield qualifies him for the label.
“He really doesn’t harvest anything,” claimed one hunter. “How can he be considered a consumptive user if he didn’t, in fact, consume anything?”
“He definitely qualifies,” stated another hunter confidently. “Dude’s a train wreck in the woods.”
When questioned about his new title, Biebel was noticeably affected by the lack of respect he’s received as of late.
“Well, aren’t people just a hoot these days! I guess they don’t realize that last year I caught a farm raised trout just after it was delivered to the lake,” Biebel said with an air of superiority and a feeling of victory over his accusers. “Catching fish like that takes real skill as an angler.”
This year, Biebel plans to double his fish harvest to further dispel the growing rumors of his non-consumptive status.
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