If I Had My Own TV Show…
I’ve often thought that, despite the hard work, hosting a hunting show would be fun. Obviously, the show would be immensely popular and leave a lasting, positive impact on viewers. It would combine the sexiness of a Mariah Carey music video to attract the shallow minded viewers, but also bring the intensity found in a Bob Ross “The Joy of Painting” episode for those who desire the many qualities Ms. Carey lacks. That big buck in the first episode won’t be standing behind a half dead tree, it’ll be behind a “scantily clad, happy little hemlock.” See what a mean? That’s television gold if I do say so myself.
The premise of the show would be my travels across Vermont and New Hampshire in search of a Boone and Crockett Whitetail. If I’m chasing after something that doesn’t exist the show can go on forever, kind of like those Bigfoot shows where the hosts come oh-so-close to finding bigfoot but never do. Somehow Bigfoot always ends up just barely eluding them each time. It’d be the same for me, but instead of continuing to hold out for Bigfoot, a day or two into the season I’d be willing to settle for a yearling or one of those tasty smaller deer I like to refer to as shish kabobs.
Part of the reason this is on my mind is because I’ve been taking part in a real show for the folks from Fine Home Building for an upcoming nine episode videos series on building an energy efficient home. They stop by one of our job sites from time to time and place me in front of a couple cameras and cross their fingers that I’ll sound intelligent enough to provide at least two minutes of usable footage out of two hours of filming.
When being filmed, I think of all the ways I could use the equipment for my hunting show. Both of the cameras focused on my face could be used for something better. One would be used to film deer as they walk by and the second would be for bonus footage of me sleeping in the stand or a time lapse of scantily clad, happy little trees undressing in the early fall breeze as the sun sets in the background.
The fancy drone would hover overhead until a buck shows up. At that point, it would swing in close to the buck and use an app I plan to develop that would measure the antlers before I decide if I want to shoot. Boone and Crockett bucks are rare and the last thing I want to do is look stupid on TV by shooting a buck that doesn’t have a legal set of antlers. It’s imperative that I have that three-inch spike in New Hampshire or that second one-inch long point in Vermont.
I’ll also need the camera guy for the candid shots. Two or three hundred still shots per hunts seems about right quantity. You just never know when the perfect picture will be taken and it will take that many to get one that’s useable. If my face is going to be on billboards at some major outdoor retailer, it better be a good picture. The big fold out light enhancer thing will be the trickiest thing to set up while on stand. Won’t the deer see that?
Ah yes, my leap from the world of blog articles to video has only just begun. I can already hear the call of marketing directors from top companies looking to throw money in my direction to help me get off the ground. On second thought, I think that’s nature calling. I better go.
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