Grilled Chuck

WoodchuckThat’s it! I can’t take it anymore! I’ve been staring longingly into the woods because I have not had a chance to experience it firsthand for months. I haven’t even made it to the golf course yet! This is getting ridiculous. However, I was able to draw a bead on a springtime woodchuck last weekend after belly crawling around the pool and through my mother’s immaculately kept flower beds. I slipped the barrel of that Stevens .22 through a hole in the fence and waited for him offer me a clean shot as he basked in the evening sunlight. He was heavily guarded by thick blades of grass and was unaware of my presence.

While patiently waiting for a clean shot I noticed a few things I hadn’t realized before. First, my mom’s tulips are in great shape. Second, I can no longer focus on my target, the front sight, and the rear sight all at the same time. It can only be one of the three. When I focused on Chuck, the front and rear guns sights were blurry. When I focused on the front bead, Chuck and the rear sight were blurry. It’s a bad deal. This revelation came to me after focusing on the front bead for five minutes and then coming to the realization that Chuck hadn’t moved the whole time. That’s when I realized I had mistaken him for a dirt clod and he’d probably been gone for some time.

I peered up at the window and saw Dad standing inside looking through his binoculars and giving me hand signals. I spent the next 10 minutes slinking through the flower bed trying to understand his signals and to gain a better position on Chuck. He never showed.

About an hour later we were just finishing up the family dinner when Chuck popped his stupid head back up out of his hole. This time I moved around the front of the house and belly crawled across the deck right past the grill. Weber makes a nice grill and I’d never seen one from that particular angle before. They are solid right to the base which was nice to see since I had just purchased one of my own. In fact, I made a killer Salmon meal on it just last night.

Chuck was still standing there like an idiot by the time I finished inspecting the grill. I was in the prone position and the gun felt nice and steady. I focused on Chuck, then the front sight, then the rear sight. All three seemed to be in alignment with each other so I pulled the trigger and sent a round right over his head. I hadn’t had the foresight to put more than one round in the magazine before embarking on my stalk so I rolled onto my back and dug another one out of my pocket all the while pretending to be taking heavy fire from the enemy. While fumbling with the bullet I noticed that the exterior light in the porch ceiling could really use a good cleaning. 

I rolled back over after finally getting another bullet in the chamber only to find that Chuck was long gone which was to be expected, I suppose. It wouldn’t have been right for me to close the deal on the first hunt of the year anyway. Maybe the next story will end with me grilling fresh chuck legs on the grill at the end of the story.

Do people grill woodchuck?   


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