The other day my wife asked me what I was looking forward to the most about this coming hunting season. Good question. Normally, my answer would have had to do with the challenge of the hunt and successfully outsmarting the elusive whitetail deer but not this year… this year things are a little different.
I have felt the anticipation of the hunt more than ever this year. To put it mildly, it hasn't been a great year. My wife has been suffering through a bad bout with Lyme disease all summer and that came on the heels of an emotional spring in which we dealt with the stillbirth of our daughter Cora Grace. I’d be lying if hunting hasn’t been on my mind a lot during everything (it’s actually been on my mind since last December 15th when deer season ended) but I’m not just dreaming about big bucks anymore. I have been longing for the day I climb into my treestand with 4 or 5 responsibility free hours when I can just reflect on all that’s happened this year.
I wonder what I will think about. Actually, I am pretty sure I know what I’ll think about. In the stillness of the woods, I’ll think about Cora and who she would have been and what she would have looked like. I’ll think about everything my wife has been through with Cora and stupid Lyme disease and when she’ll finally be better. I’ll also wonder “why?” like I have been wondering all year.
But, If I've learned anything this year, I've learned that in life you don’t always get an answer. Life isn't like math. With math there is always an answer (the math I am used to anyway). Even when I can’t solve a math problem, I at least know there is an answer. Not so much in life…all the thinking and wondering doesn't always lead down a path to an answer. Then again, maybe I'm not supposed to know. What I do know is that God says “My grace is sufficient for you,” and as hard and gut wrenching as life can be, that is enough. I admit, it doesn't necessarily make it easy, it just makes it a little easier.
So, I hope that when I climb into my treestand 10 days from now the distractions of life will be left back at the truck, and I’ll be found thinking about God’s grace. Big bucks don’t fix anything, they just help for a short time and maybe a little longer if the buck is really big. Nonetheless, even if the buck is a monster it will only offer temporary relief. God’s grace is the only thing that will help and I believe His grace is enough for me, even if I struggle with wondering why every now and then.
I’ll still be hoping for a big buck though…