Dear Hoyt Archery,
It’s time we get to know each other on a deeper level. Until now our relationship has been a one-way street, but I’m sure you and I can both agree that relationships can’t survive that way. I doubt you even know I exist, which is surprising given our long history together and the immense popularity of www.the4pointer.com. Okay, so maybe that’s an overstatement…
Here’s the real deal – the other day when I was perched high in my treestand cuddling with my eight-year-old Hoyt Katera, I began to think how nice it would be if I had one of those fancy new ones to hold. It’s not that my current bow is bad – I’ve killed a great many deer with it (not to be confused with many great deer), but every now and then a guy needs an upgrade. I need something with a little more pizzazz – something fiery and full of passion, yet quiet and fast.
I’ve been perusing your website for some time now, and I think I found a space on the Pro Staff tab at the bottom of page three where you could include my picture along with the others. While looking around, I also noticed a hefty list of requirements that need to be met in order to be considered for a roster spot on Hoyt Bowhunting Pro Staff. This list could be tricky to overcome, but I’ve done my best to provide reasons why I qualify.
On your website, you state:
“Hoyt has some of the most decorated names in the hunting industry on its Hunting Pro Staff. These professional hunters are among the most hardcore, avid bowhunters you’ll find anywhere. Many of them hunt for a living or have their own TV shows. They travel the world in search of trophy-class and hard-to-find game. Many record book-class trophies fall each year to the stealth of the Hoyt Bowhunting Pro Staff.”
Kudos! You sure have locked up some well-known names in the hunting industry. The likes of Waddell, the Eichler’s, and Chuck Adams have spent their fair share of time in pursuit of record book-class animals in some of the most rugged terrain possible, there is no denying that. What’s clearly missing from this list of names is a guy that spends his fair share of time hunting close to backyards hoping to shoot a doe or a small buck – a four-pointer, perhaps. It’s time to find someone that can market Hoyt Bows to the 99.9% of hunters that will never set foot on an Alaskan mountain range. I’d be happy to be that guy.
There are some of the other requirements listed on your website. I’ve done my best to answer them below. They are:
Be a diehard Hoyt fan. My first bow was a non-Hoyt type. The last deer I attempted to shoot with it was able to walk out of the path of the arrow before it arrived. That’s how I knew it was time for something a little faster, especially with a hunting trip to chase whitetails in Montana on the horizon. My bow might have been a little slow but not me. I’ve never looked back since making the switch to Hoyt.
Be an ethical and responsible hunter. This one is easy to check this one off the list, unless by responsible hunter you mean I never forget anything. I have a pretty bad reputation at home because I often “forget” to complete household chores before heading to the stand. Is that what you mean? If so, I’m disqualified for sure.
Be a regularly published writer in the major bowhunting publications. Here’s where it gets tricky. By “major bowhunting publications” do you mean print or online? Obviously, I’m an online published writer, you’ve just never heard of me. Now that I think about it, that likely ranks my blog in a “minor publication” or lower category. Maybe it’s not even considered a publication. Nevertheless, I’m confident we can work this technicality out together.
Have your own television program that is aired on the Outdoor Channel (or be actively involved in one). I watch a lot of shows on the Outdoor Channel. I have to believe that counts as actively involved.
Regularly produce quality bowhunting videos and DVD’s. I own a lot of these, way more than my wife thinks I should. If you were standing in my living room, I could produce 40-50 of them in a few seconds by reaching into my cabinet. I could do that regularly.
Hunt a lot! This comes down to a matter of perspective. For example, I wish I could hunt more, but work keeps getting in the way. My wife, however, thinks I “hunt a lot.” She is a keen individual – very intelligent, but I disagree with her about this all the time. Unless, of course, her perspective helps me meet the requirement for this category. Then I would agree that I hunt a lot.
Be actively involved in promoting the sport of bowhunting. I write about my time in the woods bowhunting, and last year I gave my old bow to a twelve-year-old kid in need of one. If that’s not actively promoting the sport, then I don’t what is.
Enough of the silliness. The heart of my problem is that I need a new bow because my current one has some wear and tear, and some unforeseen taxidermy bills this year have substantially cut into the fund I had never set up to purchase a new bow. This lack of funding may lead me to delay the upgrade for a while, which would not be good for the Hoyt brand when I continually blame my bow for inefficiencies that inevitably come with old age. Worse yet, as much as I love the Hoyt brand, what if I am lured away by other brands clamoring for a featured spot on my self-proclaimed immensely popular blog? Neither one of us wants that, right? A spiffy new Hoyt bow sent my way would prevent that…
I hope my letter finds you well. Actually, I mostly hope that my letter at least finds you. I’ll consider that a success, though you may feel entirely different after reading it.
Whew boy…I might have overdone it this time. My last couple of posts seemed well received, if you missed them, you can read them here: The Biggest Little Buck Ever Killed and 2017 Vermont Rifle Season – Big Buck!
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