For Immediate Release: April 1, 2019
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Windsor County, VT – Local Hunter, Tim Biebel, made a major life decision over the weekend – He’s running for Governor.
“I haven’t told my wife yet…or my kids…or anyone,” Biebel said. “I figured a press release was the best way to inform everyone at the same time. I’m sure my wife will understand my reasoning. I’m not sure about my kids – one of them is barely old enough to talk. I doubt he even knows what a governor is. Right now he only cares about toy trains.”
When pressed for more information on the reasoning for his decision, Biebel turned philosophical – something he’s not known for.
“Springtime is when hope springs anew. The dead of winter is behind us, and new life is before us. Signs of it are everywhere. Just last Saturday my son’s soccer ball emerged from its winter long snowy grave in the front yard, ready for new life and a fresh pump of air. It was then that I knew.”
His first order of business as governor will be to divert funds from every category of government and redirect them to fixing up Route 5. “Ironically, I’m going to use Route 5 as a platform to run on, despite how unsafe it is to run on. I almost turned my ankle crossing it the other day. On my way to work this morning, I’m pretty sure I saw a midsized car in one of the smaller potholes, but I wasn’t very light yet and hard to be certain. I’ll check on the way home.”
A secondary goal is to ensure that every hunter bags the biggest buck of their life this fall, a goal he believes could be more attainable than his first goal.
At press time, Biebel said he was going to get back to reading other April fools jokes instead of making this one any worse.
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