For Immediate Release: April 2, 2018Media Contact: firstname.lastname@example.orgWindsor County, VT – Recently, local hunter Tim Biebel was reported to have engaged in a spirited discussion over taxidermy bills with his lovely wife. Biebel, having refrained from spending any amount of money on taxidermy since united in holy matrimony almost thirteen years ago, finally decided to break open the piggy bank…
Dear Hoyt Archery,
It’s time we get to know each other on a deeper level. Until now our relationship has been a one-way street, but I’m sure you and I can both agree that relationships can’t survive that way. I doubt you even know I exist, which is surprising given our long history together and the immense popularity of www.the4pointer.com. Okay, so maybe that’s an overstatement…
When extended family comes to visit, I’m not one to spare the good stuff. “Hey, wanna grill a woodchuck?” I asked my brother-in-law as we were chipping golf balls around the yard one evening. Brock is not one to back down from a challenge and he claims to know how to grill, so I fished the poorly packaged woodchuck out of my chest freezer and plopped it on the table. Silence filled the air as intrigue descended upon the crowd of young children gathered around.
“So, I noticed a charge on the credit card to Vermont Fish and Wildlife for your Moose application. When is the season again?” my wife questioned me the other day.
“Oh, you know….early October,” I replied.
I tried to leave, but before I could she hit me with a dose of her reality. “You do remember that I’m due at the end of September, right?”
I’ve often thought that, despite the hard work, hosting a hunting show would be fun. Obviously, the show would be immensely popular and leave a lasting, positive impact on viewers. It would combine the sexiness of a Mariah Carey music video to attract the shallow minded viewers, but also bring the intensity found in a Bob Ross “The Joy of Painting” episode for those who desire the many qualities Ms. Carey lacks. That big buck in the first episode won’t be standing behind a half dead tree, it’ll be behind a “scantily clad, happy little hemlock.” See what a mean? That’s television gold if I do say so myself.